Painful Tricks
by ThePinkyPop
Summary: Spoilers for season 2 and 3! Based on Mystery Spot. When Sam tells Dean about what happened when he was dead for 6 months, Dean realises Sam won't cope when he's really gone.


I've recently become addicted and I mean **addicted, obsessed,** whatever you want to call it, to Supernatural. It's my new favorite TV program. I love it! One thing in particular I love is Dean and Sam. Not just them in general but their relationship. They have the greatest brother relationship in TV history! So, as a first attempt to not only write a story non-wrestling related, I'd thought I'd have a go at trying a Supernatural fic. This has spoilers for season 2 and 3. I watched season 3's Mystery Spot the other week and loved it. The ending made me feel sad for Sam though. This is what my mind thought up. It's set directly after that episode. And yeah, maybe I overdid it but hey, my story, lol. Plus I was curious about what would happen if Sam told Dean about him dying for real. Anyway, enjoy!

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><p>Sam sat in the passenger seat, his eyes lay unmoving, glancing absent-mindedly out the window. The silence had preoccupied the journey for it's entirety, not a word being said between the brothers. Only the sound of the unknown radio station hummed quietly in the background.<p>

Dean had convinced himself that it was just Sam being Sam or whatever phase he usually went through every few weeks. But this felt different. He seemed too distant, like he was in another place. He hadn't spoken since they'd left the motel. Even before that, he had acted so strange. When he woke up he had embraced Dean, but not in a normal hugging way. It was like Sam was relieved. Whether it was relieved to be awake or to see Dean again was plaguing the latter's mind. Sam had also spoken of a weird dream he had. Dean was well aware of Sam's freaky visions and nightmares. But the way he had spoken when he mentioned this one. He appeared to be frightened, something that Dean had never noticed before. Even when Sam had had nightmares of people dying, he had never seemed this effected. It was starting to worry Dean. His little brother sat still, like a statue, refusing to look anywhere but at the glass that completed the opposite car door.

"You alright Sam? You've been pretty quiet since we've left", Dean asks casually, concentrating on his driving.

Sam doesn't answer for a few seconds, seemingly in a trance. Dean glances at him, "Sam?".

Sam doesn't move but replies in a quiet voice, "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just tired. I didn't sleep very well".

Dean looks at the road again but continues pushing for more, "Because of that dream you had? You never answered me when I asked whether it was clowns or midgets", he smirks, not being able to withstand adding some comedy to his enquiry.

Sam makes a low grunt, passing it as a chuckle, "It was neither. It was just a stupid dream, nothing to get excited about".

Dean cocks an eyebrow, hearing Sam's dishonesty. "Did it have anything to do with why you were so out of it yesterday?".

Sam's head perks up upon hearing the question. He turns slightly to face Dean, "What do you mean?".

Dean catches a glimpse of his eye, seeing the look of uncomfort in it. "What you were saying was going on. The time loop you were in or something where I kept dying".

Sam's face turns to surprise briefly before he regains composure, "You remember all that?", he asks in shock.

"Yeah, didn't I say I did earlier".

"Yeah but you didn't go into specifics. Wait, you said we had an encounter with the Trickster too".

"Outside the diner, don't you remember?", Dean furrows his eyebrows now, confused at Sam's behavior, "Sam what's going on?". He glimpses at him again and sees a mixture of emotions on his face. Dean sighs before pulling over on the side of the road. It was pretty much deserted so there would be no problem of oncoming traffic. Once he parks, Dean turns to face Sam fully.

"Sammy, tell me what happened?", Dean asks more eagerly.

Sam avoids his eyes, instead looking at the handbrake. "You remember what I was saying yesterday about the time loop and then meeting the Trickster. What else?", he finishes.

"Well when Trickster left, you went pretty weird on me. We just had a takeout and went to bed. Why?".

Sam stays still again, his eyes making thinking signs. No, conflicted signs. "Sammy", Dean says softly, anxiety creeping up on him. Without warning, Sam removes his seat belt and gets out of the car. Dean acts quickly, following his brother's movements and exiting the Impala. He watches as Sam leans against the door, his head tilting. Dean dashes around the front and reaches him, standing near the door mirror.

"Sam, your dream-".

"It wasn't a dream", Sam cuts him off quickly.

"What was it?", Dean asks gently.

Sam sighs deeply before looking up again. He meets Dean's eyes properly this time, sniffing briefly and rubbing away unshed tears. Dean's concern pikes. "It was Trickster. He placed me in a time loop were you kept dying and I couldn't save you. Ever. No matter what I tried".

"I know. You told me yesterday".

"Yeah, well, he didn't stop there. Remember when he clicked his fingers and removed us from it?". Dean simply nods in response.

Sam sighs and takes a breath before continuing, his voice soft and slow, "It was Wednesday again. I thought that everything was back to normal, that he was gone and we could get on to a new hunt. So just like this morning, you went outside to pack the car up. I was finishing getting my loose stuff together when I heard a… a gunshot. I went downstairs and saw you lying there, bleeding from the chest. The guy from the diner had shot you, probably trying to steal the Impala. I held you in my arms, talking to you, but you faded quickly. I… I closed my eyes, expecting to wake up so that it would be Tuesday again. I didn't care if I was still in the time loop, I needed you to be ok. But when I opened my eyes, I was still sitting there, holding you. Dead. I didn't know what to do. I kind of just lost it for a while. I knew Trickster was behind it. I searched for him. Bobby was concerned for me, kept calling every few weeks."

Dean looked at his brother in horror, tears pricking his eyes. Weeks.

"I never called back. Just kept solo hunting. Killing whatever got in my way. Trying to find that son of a bitch. But I couldn't. So I started to look at rituals I could perform, to summon him. I found one but it required a lot of blood. A body full. That's when Bobby found me. We talked. He told me to kill him, use his blood. He knew I wasn't coping. That I… I needed you back. I eventually realised it was a trick but killed him anyway. I was desperate. When he died, he didn't disappear. I thought it was really him. That I'd killed Bobby. But then Trickster appeared. He told me why he had done this to me. Putting me in a time loop and why he killed you for real. Left me alone for 6 months. Cause you're my weakness and I'm yours he said. The demons know it and they'll use it against us. That it will be the death of me cause of all the sacrifices we keep making for each other. He said you were dying and that I couldn't do anything to stop it. I..I..I begged him to bring you back. I pleaded. He told me that this is what it would be like. But he must of fixed things. Cause your alive again and I have you back. I don't care what he says. What he did. It just makes me more determined… to save you", Sam finishes, tears flowing down his cheeks.

Dean bites his lip, unsuccessfully trying to stop his own tears falling. 6 months. 6 full months alone. Trying everything he could to bring him back. Trickster had created Sam's personal hell. He had opened his eyes to what the future held. Now Dean saw. Sam wouldn't handle it when he was gone. Wouldn't stop trying to bring him back. He'd kill himself.

"Sammy", Dean starts but breaks off into a whisper.

Sam grins slightly, wiping some tears from his cheeks, "Sorry man, I shouldn't of said anything. Getting us both worked up".

Dean stares at him, his breathing heavy. Sam moves his eyes again, searching their surroundings, "We should get back on the road, it'll be getting dark soon".

Sam goes to move but is stopped instantly by Dean's hand on his forearm. "You expect me to just forget this?", he asks quietly.

Sam frowns briefly, "Yeah, I do. It was nothing Dean. Really, I was getting emotional over nothing".

"Well it obviously was something Sam. I was dead for 6 months. You said it yourself, you went AWOL. You couldn't handle it".

"I shouldn't have said that. I'm getting you worried over nothing", Sam tries to halt Dean's concern but fails.

"If you say it's over nothing again, I'm going to punch you Sam", Dean says angrily, moving forward a little as a warning. Sam pulls away from his grip, attempting to get into the car.

"Would you stop that", Dean growls, pushing the door with a slam just as Sam opens it. The action causes Sam to stand in shock. "You can't spill your heart like that and then forget about it. I know you Sam. And I know that Trickster is right too".

Sam looks at him in alarm, "What do you mean he's right?", he asks appalled.

Dean sighs gently, "I'm dying Sam. You can't stop it, you can't change it, you can't bring me back when I'm gone".

Sam shakes his head not wanting to hear. He tries walking away but Dean grabs him around his upper arms, holding him in place. "Listen Sammy, he's right, ok. We keep making sacrifices for each other. Hell I sold my soul to bring you back, that's why we're here now. But I don't regret it. Not at all. I'd do it again. But… you can't save me like I saved you. You have to let me go. You need to live on and either continue hunting or just please stop and try living a normal life. Cause he's right man, you'll just die trying. Me going to hell will have been for nothing then. I need you to be alright without me".

Fresh tears fall freely from Sam's eyes, "I don't think I can", he mumbles, though it's loud enough for Dean to hear.

The pain in his voice breaks Dean's heart, "You have to try. For me, ok. It will get better in time".

"It won't Dean. I'll be alone and you know I won't stop trying to bring you back".

"Please Sam, make hell a little bit better for me. Let me know that you'll be ok", Dean says forcefully his eyes blurring from his tears. He shakes Sam as he speaks, trying to get his message across.

"I can't because I won't be! I went through 6 months without you and I couldn't handle any of it. The daily struggle to get out of bed and go through the same shit every single day. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that if I found Trickster, then maybe he'd fix things. Or that one day I would wake up and this hell would be over!", Sam ends on a shout, a cry escaping his lips.

His breathing becomes ragged and his shoulders move gently from his emotions. Dean continues to clutch them, his own emotions boiling over.

"I don't want to tell you this. Any of this. But you want me to persuade you that things will be fine when your gone but they won't. I can't lie about that", Sam continues again, his eyes raw from the soaking they went through.

Everything freezes then. The world slows to suit this moment. Sam stares Dean deep in his eyes, knowing he understands. He gnaws his lip from the inside, biting hard to stop another cry of pain escaping from his chest. His throat goes dry, a warm pain spreading across it. Dean's eyes stare back at Sam's. His continued hold on Sam's arms tightens in fear of losing him. He had tried excepting death. He was terrified about it though, of going to hell. But he wouldn't tell Sam this, he wanted to be strong for him. Here he was though, listening to his little brother confess the heartache and fear of life after Dean. It truly broke the older Winchester to see how hard it was actually hitting him. He had been blind this whole time to what Sam was feeling. Or was really just blocking himself from him. Hoping it would pass. But it would come to a head instead and it had taken a cruel trick to make him realise how foolish he had been.

He was wasting time. Precious time that was nearly up. He had to fix this somehow, make things easier.

He watches as Sam closes his eyes in an attempt to hide away from it all. Dean's eyes prick again as he thinks about not seeing Sam in a few months. Not hunting with him. Not having his brother. He needed him just as much, if not more than Sam needed him. His chest grows tight at the thoughts of living an eternity in hell by himself. Being tortured. He desperately wanted Sam with him. No matter how cruel or selfish that sounded, he wanted him there. Needed him there. To comfort him, ease the expected pain and misery. If there was anyone that could make Dean feel better, it was him. But it's not possible. It wouldn't be fair.

A gust of wind swirls through, reminding Dean of their frozen stances. He looks at his hands and after a second, slowly removes them from the jacket sleeves they had cherished for those few minutes. Sam opens his eyes at the movement and reveals their tired look. He stares groggily at the older man, sighing alongside the breeze picking up. Dean rubs his temple, temporarily forgetting everything and instead trying to avert the oncoming headache. Sam takes this chance to walk to the other side of the road, taking a break from the familiar spot. Dean doesn't follow, knowing he's only pacing. They stay separate for a while, the distance giving them time to calm down. A stronger gust of wind blows by again, indicating the approaching gale storm. Dean sighs deeply before crossing the empty road. He meets Sam at the edge of it, watching as the younger man stares into the sky. Dean joins him, turning his eyes to the wispy clouds in the darkening blue.

"Why couldn't it be heaven?", Sam asks, acknowledging Dean's presence.

Dean stares dreamingly at the pretty picture, "What do you mean?".

"You did a great thing. A damn near unthinkable thing. You actually sold your own soul to bring me back from the dead. And your reward is rotting in hell forever. How does that work?", Sam mutters, his voice visibly hoarse.

"I don't know Sammy, I don't know. But we just have to accept it and try to work towards a better future. With or without me", Dean replies, trying to sound confident, "Come on, we should go. I think a storm is coming".

Sam nods and looks away from the sky. He turns to cross the road but stops just as Dean starts to follow. Dean looks at him curiously, "What's wrong?".

Sam faces him again, a look of sadness and apprehension etched on his face. He closes the gap between them and wraps his arms tightly around Dean. Dean returns the embrace, enclosing his own arms around his younger brother. They hug each other closely for several seconds, taking in the comfort and safeness they each possess. Dean rests his head on Sam's shoulder, his cheek tickled by the locks of his brother's hair. He would miss this. Though he disliked 'chick flick' moments, he'd admit that Sam's hugs made him feel good inside. Sam closed his eyes tight again, inhaling Dean's scent of aftershave and gunpowder. He didn't care if he looked pathetic clinging to Dean. Nobody else needed to understand. Sam almost reluctantly releases Dean and pats him on the shoulder before crossing the road and entering the Impala.

Dean waits several seconds, inhaling the air before going to sit behind the driver's seat. They drive silently as before, but this time there's a sense of security and warmth. Dean would die in a few months, he knew that, but maybe Sam would find a way to save him or bring him back. He would appreciate the time that he was guaranteed though.

He and Sam would hunt and take care of each other. When the time comes for Dean to meet his fate, he will. Some how though, he will make sure things are ok.

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><p>Well, there it is. My attempt at Supernatural. Sorry if I got facts wrong or whatever. Or overdid the guys emotions. They do cry a lot though, lol. Anyway, if you love it or hate it, please review it. Thanks.<p> 


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